Operations suspended

Dear Readers,

The Daily Coin has temporarily (or permanently) suspended operations. This decision was not made lightly. It was based on the alarmist rantings of self-proclaimed lexical economists who argue that releasing too many new words into circulation will debase our linguistic currency and lead to runaway lexical inflation. The last thing this great nation needs is more words with less meaning. So, to keep our paragraphs shorter and to preserve the semantic exchange of meaningful discourse in public and private I have taken the bold step of shutting down the mint. No neologisms will be coined until the vitality of our lexicon is restored. 

Thank you for your patronage. Your loyalty as readers has been highly valued by the Keebler Elves who were in charge of forging new coins every day in addition to their full-time cookie production work. Unfortunately, you will not be rewarded for your loyalty in this life or the next—and you will not receive any free cookies. You may, however, receive a free duffel bag. In the event this does occur, it will likely have no connection with The Daily Coin. If it does, the connection is purely coincidental.

Please do fill your lexical bag with the jar of coins we have gathered here and hand them out as alms to the wordless in your conversations with others and with yourselves, in your personal and professional email and IM exchanges, in your text messages to strangers—maybe even slip them into a fortune cookie or two.

Thank you, and please spread the words...  

#83 Incrementilitarian

One who believes progress is best achieved in small increments.

It took 23 years but Lowell finally had "W" under his belt, and in three more years he would know the entire alphabet. Progress was slow, but that was fine by him. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. Slow and steady wins the race. Haste makes waste. These were Lowell's core beliefs as an incrementilitarian. 

#82 Jar of jarg

A jar of jargon preserved for a particular end.

To impress upon the conference attendees the importance of his work, the professor of semiotics littered his address with choice chunks from his jar of jarg.

#81 Knee benders

Derogatory term for office workers who prefer the archaic practice of sitting at a desk to the enlightened practice of standing at a desk.

Clare and Geoffrey knew their love was doomed. She was a standie, he was a knee bender. Standies and knee benders just don't mix. 

#80 Standies

Office workers who formally renounce the archaic practice of sitting at one's desk in favor of standing.

Sitting is done, standing is fun, chairs beware—the standies are here!

#79 Gruelogy

A grueling eulogy.

The friends and family of the dearly departed wept in agony, until the priest finished delivering his gruelogy.

Root = grueling + eulogy

#78 Cushion coins

Concealed, hard-to-find neologisms.

It was almost midnight and the neologist was scrounging through the dank upholstery of his subconscious for any cushion coins he could find. 

#77 Cred chaining

Chaining multiple credit cards together to make a single payment.

The customer at the end of the line in aisle 2 sighed deeply and rolled his eyes as the girl at the checkout counter fanned out a wallet's worth of plastic—American Express, Visa, MasterCard, Discover—in front of the cashier. "I mean c'mon, do you really need that many cans of Pringles? Would it kill you to put down the pack of Salem Lights?" The woman in front of him turned around, shook her head in agreement, and said, "Cred chaining shouldn't be allowed. It's just not right."

#76 Escape art director

Artistic director of escapology in charge of designing novel escape scenarios, procedures, and techniques and leading a team of escape artists in executing on an escape program. 

Handcuffs? Easy. Francis could slip out of them in his sleep. Straitjackets? Pretty much just as easy. Wrapped in chains, nailed shut in a coffin, and buried six feet under? OK, yes it required more skill and effort, but Francis had risen from the nearly dead more times than he could count. What about handcuffs (behind the back), straitjacket on, wrapped in chains, nailed shut in a coffin, and submerged underwater? Plus, throw some snakes in the coffin. A rookie escape artist definitely couldn't pull it off. Even a seasoned escape artist with a few years of experience under her belt probably couldn't pull it off. But Francis wasn't a rookie and he was more than a seasoned escape artist. He'd been in the business for more than 10 years and he was ready to take the next step. He was ready to become an escape art director.

#75 Browse party

A group of semi-organized people gathered to casually browse for no person or thing in particular.

The townsfolk formed a browse party to look for, well, any person or thing that might possibly be missing—a stolen heirloom or perhaps a kidnapped child. It didn't really matter what they found, or if they found anything at all. Nobody had anything better to do, and combing a field seemed like the perfect activity given the pleasant weather.

#74 Humanitation worker

A sanitation worker who cleans up human debris.

Godfrey was thrilled at the prospect of attending his first Civil War reenactment. Unfortunately, he was not ready to serve under Union Army Major General George B. McClellan in an assault on General Robert E. Lee's army at Antietam Creek. Nor was he ready to defend an outnumbered confederate force battling on Union soil for the first time. Today, on the bloodiest single-day of fighting in American history, Godfrey would be cleaning up after the battle. He would be serving both sides as a humanitation worker, gathering decapitated heads, eyeballs, and severed limbs (plastic, of course) and packing them into Rubbermaid bins in preparation for the next battle. 

#73 Plop paradigm

An approach to content development characterized by dumping, or plopping, a vast amount of information onto the page with little or no thought given to structure, organization, coherence, or flow.

Embracing the plop paradigm was the right strategy, according to the strategists who had strategically strategized on the best course of action after assessing and analyzing the metrics matrix.