Aug 31, 2012
#10 Straw chair argument
A straw man argument
directed at an invisible opponent sitting in an empty chair.
#9 Spoon jet/spoon geyser
High-powered stream of
water that deflects off the concave side of a spoon.
A mishap at the kitchen sink in the employee break room resulted in a spoon jet making landfall on the crotch zone of Skippy's khaki iron-free classic-fit flat-front Dockers.
A mishap at the kitchen sink in the employee break room resulted in a spoon jet making landfall on the crotch zone of Skippy's khaki iron-free classic-fit flat-front Dockers.
Aug 30, 2012
#8 Askinine
An asinine request, or ask.
The Chief Sub-Regional Business Process Performance
Strategist bombarded Nelson's email inbox with an inordinate number of
askinines, one of which required Nelson to "prioritize his tri-weekly key
performance utility index extrapolation report."
Root = ask + asinine
Aug 29, 2012
#7 Simianavunculicide
The act of killing a monkey's uncle.
"This is the kind of stuff they don't show you on Columbo," Detective Matherson said to the rookie as they arrived at the scene of the crime. "It will go down on the books as just another case of simianavunculicide. But, remember, some poor monkey out there just lost an uncle."
Aug 28, 2012
#6 Chrome-collar worker
A robot worker.
Theodore K. Arduino, a self-described post-industrial labor economist from Beaverton, Oregon, was making the podcast rounds to promote his self-published Kindle e-book, "Why Robosourcing is the New Outsourcing." Arduino called for a moratorium on industrial robotics, arguing that the rise of chrome-collar workers would massively disrupt the labor market by displacing over 87% of the blue-collar workforce and 57% of the white-collar workforce worldwide. His labor forecasts were based on projections made by his Roomba.
Theodore K. Arduino, a self-described post-industrial labor economist from Beaverton, Oregon, was making the podcast rounds to promote his self-published Kindle e-book, "Why Robosourcing is the New Outsourcing." Arduino called for a moratorium on industrial robotics, arguing that the rise of chrome-collar workers would massively disrupt the labor market by displacing over 87% of the blue-collar workforce and 57% of the white-collar workforce worldwide. His labor forecasts were based on projections made by his Roomba.
Aug 27, 2012
#5 Dimbo socket
A dummy, a doofus, a bimbo, a boob.
Milton vowed to never again set foot in an Apple store after an encounter at the Genius Bar left him feeling like a total dimbo socket for insisting that he had fried the hard drive on his MacBook Air by inadvertently extinguishing his network firewall with what he called a "waterwall."
Milton vowed to never again set foot in an Apple store after an encounter at the Genius Bar left him feeling like a total dimbo socket for insisting that he had fried the hard drive on his MacBook Air by inadvertently extinguishing his network firewall with what he called a "waterwall."
Aug 26, 2012
#4 Cementia
Cognitive and sensory impairment caused by overexposure to unnatural cement landscapes.
Lara was only half tuned into Sidney's digression on his theory of cementia as she nibbled on her Moons Over My Hammy sandwich. "Imagine," Sidney said, as he downed his fourth half & half mini creamer cup, "the collective toll all this cement is having on the human psyche, the human soul. It makes me sick. This vast, endless, lifeless ocean of grey everywhere you go--driveways, roadways, highways, strip mall parking lots, airport runways. That is not nature's palette. It's not, I tell you. Okay, there are some rocks in the world, sure. Here and there, some rocks. But not like this. Do you see what I mean? What do you think causes all this anxiety and depression and…" The waitress cut in. "Are you going to order any food?"
Root = cement + dementia
Lara was only half tuned into Sidney's digression on his theory of cementia as she nibbled on her Moons Over My Hammy sandwich. "Imagine," Sidney said, as he downed his fourth half & half mini creamer cup, "the collective toll all this cement is having on the human psyche, the human soul. It makes me sick. This vast, endless, lifeless ocean of grey everywhere you go--driveways, roadways, highways, strip mall parking lots, airport runways. That is not nature's palette. It's not, I tell you. Okay, there are some rocks in the world, sure. Here and there, some rocks. But not like this. Do you see what I mean? What do you think causes all this anxiety and depression and…" The waitress cut in. "Are you going to order any food?"
Root = cement + dementia
Aug 25, 2012
#3 Radar candy
The equivalent of "eye candy" for animals that use echolocation.
As Aldito de Lima, a famous llama herder known as the “Latino
Bambino” among a group of Moldovan émigrés in a nearby village, guided a group of Mormon missionaries toward the Peruvian highlands,
he brought his llama to a halt and took a sip from a bottle of fresco de chicha he kept in a satchel
by his side. Suddenly, a colony of vampire bats emerged from the night skies above the village of Truenococha and began to descend in unison upon a small pasture. Aldito gripped his bottle of fresco de chicha tightly and said, “Those poor cows are nothing
but radar candy to these…these…murciélagos
del infierno!”
Aug 24, 2012
#2 Compost slinging
Eco-friendly mudslinging.
What at first began as a high-minded debate among Green Party nominees quickly devolved into a down and dirty compost-slinging contest, filled with personal insults about recycling habits and accusations of deflated carbon footprints flying through the air like dirty compost bombs.
What at first began as a high-minded debate among Green Party nominees quickly devolved into a down and dirty compost-slinging contest, filled with personal insults about recycling habits and accusations of deflated carbon footprints flying through the air like dirty compost bombs.
Aug 23, 2012
#1 Enervacation
A vacation that results in enervation instead of rejuvenation.
It wasn't until Milton began scrolling through his wife's itinerary app on the flight to Maui that he realized his vacation, an idyllic vision of afternoons spent idly sipping Mai Tais from a hammock on the beach, was actually going to be an enervacation jam-packed with must-see cultural attractions, arduous physical excursions into foreboding aquatic and terrestrial environs, and non-stop photo ops of breathtaking scenery.
Root = enervation + vacation
It wasn't until Milton began scrolling through his wife's itinerary app on the flight to Maui that he realized his vacation, an idyllic vision of afternoons spent idly sipping Mai Tais from a hammock on the beach, was actually going to be an enervacation jam-packed with must-see cultural attractions, arduous physical excursions into foreboding aquatic and terrestrial environs, and non-stop photo ops of breathtaking scenery.
Root = enervation + vacation
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